Sunday, July 19, 2015

My Injury...

Ok this is going to be something new for me and I'm not sure where or how to begin so I'm just gonna jump in and let my thoughts guide me.

First of all, I am and have always been, a very private person ....so much so, that if I ever mention something that's troubling me to another person, it would most likely mean that I'm drunk or that I've taken a new medication that somehow lowered my guard or something. 
The only thing I ever tell my problems to is my journal and even that doesn't always get the whole story. 

Anyway, the reason I mention this is because I'm going to reveal something about myself that I normally keep to myself because it tends to make others act differently toward me, not always but enough. I'm not hiding it either. I'm not ashamed of who I am, I just don't think it's necessary in an online setting where I'm not trying to get a date or anything..... But now I have some people telling me that I'm lying about myself or misleading the people I connect with online. I don't see how ....it's not like I'm using someone else's photos or anything but basically it seems I can't win.....so here goes.

I was in an auto accident in the 90's when I was basically forced by my so-called best friend to drive her to a dance club we hung out in. I was not on great terms with a bouncer at the club because we had a bad date a few days before and he was the last guy I wanted to see but after wearing me down, I finally agreed as long as she drove so I could have a few drinks to make the night less awkward. She doesn't drink.

The night went okay and although I was pretty sober by the time we left, I didn't wanna take a chance and so I had her drive home. Unfortunately she was an awful driver and on the way home we had a horrible accident. She then proceeded to have two strange men remove me from the car without any support to my neck. This resulted in a neck injury that was much worse than it would have been had I been left alone until paramedics could properly remove me. 

She had a bruise on her chest and I had a new life as a quadriplegic. 
Luckily I have family but they aren't young anymore and I hate being a burden to anyone. 
They tried their best but when I received a settlement after my accident, it could have been a chance for me to have a future someday but my mother chose to spend it all instead. She kept paying a shady lawyer large amounts of my money to pursue a case that could never be won. I knew this and begged her to stop giving him my money but he had her snowed and she was my legal guardian.

Now we may lose our house and I am, for the first real time, scared for my future. I've racked my brain trying to find ways to make money and I'm pretty good with computers, graphics, photo editing and most technology but there are no jobs for me. I posted a link to my paypal for donations but I'm also realistic. I don't like begging either.

I'm going to try and sell off any belongings I have that I don't need soon because I seriously want to downsize. I hate worrying about material things when I have so much more to worry about. 
My ideal outcome would be to make enough money to move somewhere warm. The cold weather is murder on my injury and I'm basically useless in the winter. I have pain all the time but cold weather multiplies it .....

I am not looking for pity, just trying to be honest with myself and attempt to share a piece of myself for whatever reason. 
I have faith that something will work out if I just stay strong so that's what I'll do. Any luck you'd like to send my way would be awesome. I read that there is a lot of power in thoughts and prayers so I'm game.

Thanks for listening. 


Just Me....Chair and all.